"BANG"

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Kinn woke up panting and dripping from sweat. He sat up as he lean on the headboard. He started to rub his temples, trying to ease the pain caused by the same dream that hunts him almost every night. It always frightens him for it seems so real.

Every Time he pulls the trigger to kill himself and he wakes up again..He looked at his watch, it was only 5 in the morning but the space beside him was already empty, cold and neat. As if no one really slept there.

"Po.."

"Baby.."

Kinn panicked..Where is he..Where is his love..

"Porsche?" He looked around to see any traces of the young man but can't find any. He runs to the bathroom but found nothing.No.no..its should be a dream..Please be a dream..

'No! No! No! It's only a dream. Please it's only a dream! ' He started to panic. He rushed outside the room checking other rooms, the rooms Porsche spent doing his artistic work.. but no one was there. He was getting crazy; he doesn't want to believe that everything was real. He leaned on the wall supporting himself, and the pain in his head started to worsen.

What is actually a dream and what is reality?

The sound of the stove being turned on, the sizzling sound of bacon being fried and the beating of an egg on a bowl woke him up from his devastation.

Slowly Kinn walked towards the kitchen. His heart beat faster and faster every second he approached the door of his lover's heaven. He caught his breath looking at the back of a young man, the prettiest man he has ever seen. who was enthusiastically moving from one side to another side of the kitchen.. Putting a little something to this and that. The smile of satisfaction, when he tasted what he cooked, lost every control Kinn had.

Kinn runs towards Porsche and wrapped him around the lean body tightly. He buried his head on the neck of the actor inhaling his addictive scent. Porsche always smells great..

"Kinn! I'm cooking!" Porsche was surprised; he tried to wiggle out from the arms that are protectively clinging to him. "Kinn., Let go." Porsche protested but Kinn only tightened his arms. That's when Porsche realized how hard the older man was trembling. Porsche can feel the rapid heartbeat from the chest on his back.

Porsche sighed. "Did you dream again Kinn?" There was no reply. Porsche put down his spatula and leaned closer to Kinn's chest. He let his hands wander over the strong arms of the man, trying to calm him.

Porsche knew that the dream has something to do with what happened years ago. He never thought that it would affect Kinn to the point of having a distressing nightmare.

"It's all past...Kinn..let the bygone be bygones.."

"You should let it go.."

Porsche continuously whispers softly but how can Kinn forget the things he has done?

---------- flashback---------

Kinn woke up with a startle as if someone woke him from his sleep..The last memory was he is shooting at himself...He clearly remembers he pulled the trigger and the sudden Pain ..He supposes to die right..then how can he wake up in his bed..wait..he heard something ..an argument..? Kinn stood up and rushed out of the bedroom to where the sounds come from.

"Please stop.."

"You are pregnant..right..am I right..? Is it Kinn's..tell me you whore.." Thawan was continuously slapping Porsche while Porsche trying to defend himself. Thawan has the upper hand in this he is on the upper stair..

"Tell me you whore..whose child are you carrying.."

"They are mine..not kinn's..not somebody else..mine.." said Porsche trying to get down the stairs carefully but Thawan chased after him...

Kinn was watching the scenes with wide eyes..Wait..Porsche is dead and he is pretty sure he killed Thawan by himself..Then what is this..is it an illusion or am I dreaming..?

This is exactly what he saw on the CCTV..Thawan slaps Porsche and chases after him and soon he is going to push Porsche down the stairs..No no..

"No.."Kinn screamed making the arguing men quiet.

Kinn rushed to Porsche making him flinch. Porsche was about to lose balance but Kinn held him tighter without letting him fall.

After that Porsche was immediately rushed to his room..and Porsche was shaking expecting blows from Kinn but nothing came..Kinn was looking at his swollen belly ..Porsche tried to cover it..but Kinn didn't let him and kept staring at the swollen belly making Porsche tremble with fear.

"What if Kinn thought this is not his child" The thought kept repeating in his mind like a broken tape till he saw kinn pinching himself..

"Po..can you please punch me.."

"What ?"

"Even a slap is ok.."

"Kinn..Why..I ..I can't.."

Kinn is scared to move..what if Porsche is not here..and it's a dream..

"Ok..at least pinch me.." so Porsche did. He pinched Kinn's offered hand making him jump. My god..it hurts. Porsche looked at him with fear. Porsche saw him drunk before but every time he is drunk Porsche is getting beaten more roughly than usual and he is scared of it.

Now suddenly Kinn is asking Porsche to slap him..what does it mean? But Kinn started to kiss him on his whole face and then later he is screaming looking at the roof..

"Thank you, god..Thank you for mercy.." Kinn shouted with happy tears and kissed Porsche.

Kinn's eyes went to the swollen tummy and he reached to touch it only for Porsche to crawl backwards on the bed making distance between them.

"Kinn..Please.. don't hurt me..I ..I will leave soon..Actually..I already applied for Divorce..I wanted to tell you this long time..Please..I will leave tomorrow..no..i will leave now..please don't hurt my baby.."Porsche stutters making Kinn cry.

"Porsche I beg you please don't leave me.." Kinn kneeled in front of his world..Porsche and their unborn child are his whole world. He saw how he crushed his own world with his own bare hands and Thanks to God's mercy Porsche is alive..He got another chance..wait ..Porsche's cancer..

Kinn stood up suddenly, He scooped Porsche into his arms and ran out..He has to get Porsche to a Hospital..Yes..broken ribs..unfixed bones...Kinn ordered the guard to drive faster to the nearest hospital..

Kinn took his phone ..Porsche is in his lap looking at him with wide eyes..unable to understand what exactly happening to Kinn and why do they have to go to a hospital..It's midnight now..

"Mom..Please come to the XXXX Hospital..Please come fast.." Kinn made his first call..

" Big ..I want Thawan in my Warehouse now..No..you don't have to be polite with him..drag him out or break a bone or two..I don't care..I don't want him in my house .." Kinn's second call made Porsche look at Kinn as if he looking at an Alien.

"Kinn..What?..What are you doing..? " Porsche is scared and at the same time, he is confused. The same man who slapped him in the morning..came drunk with his lover and at midnight came to save him from his lover's hands and now..what is this sudden affection Kinn is not letting him move an inch from his lap..kinn held Porsche so close to him..

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Kinn was waiting outside of the Doctors room as he was chased out and now he is sitting on the waiting chair while his parents and elder brother looking at him with hatred full of eyes..

"This bastard..Why are you still here? Go to your lover.." another smack to his head by his mother.

Kinn sat there silently..He can't leave, he won't leave..never..he will never let Porsche go away..Never again..

"I already asked my lawyer to make divorce papers..You have to sign.." Korn declared.."You don't deserve him.."

"Never.." shouted Kinn looking directly at his fathers' eyes shamelessly..He is guilty, he knew it but..Kinn cannot even imagine a life without Porsche.

Korn stepped forward to slap his son only to be held by his elder son.."Pa wait.."Kinn has already been beaten up by his parents and Kinn's both cheeks were pretty swollen with a split lip..

" Pa..I know I did wrong. Just give me one chance to prove myself. I want to mend my mistakes.." Kinn begged..

A week later, Porsche finally opened his eyes. The first thing he saw was dark eyes staring intently at him. His eyes swelled with tears and he started to get up. Kinn immediately called the doctor and they quickly make him sit. After checking his condition, they were all glad that Porsche was already awake and doing well. After that Kinn and Porsche were left alone inside. Kinn approached him and immediately enclosed him in his arms.

Porsche on the other hand leaned closer to him enjoying the warmth given by those big arms. He suddenly remembered his tummy. Despite the pain he felt from the operation to fix his unfixed bones, he felt a different cramp on his abdomen. He started to cry, his baby..is he ok?

"The... The baby." He whispered in his sobs.

"Shssss...." Kinn started rocking him back and forth. "Everything's going to be okay..our baby is okay..he is okay.."

They ended up crying happy tears..

Kinn's parents took Porsche to their place. Porsche stays quiet ..he neither accepts nor denied Kinn..But the Doctors finding made Kinn banned from their Mansion. But the best thing that happened in this turmoil is the discovery made that Porsche is in Cancer stage 1 and it is curable..

All thanks to Kinn as he threatened and screamed at the doctors to check Porsche for Cancer. At first, doctors denied his request as Porsche is not showing any symptoms but with Kinn's threat and tests the discovery was made..Kinn never told the reason why he forced the doctors to test for Cancer.

It took lots of crying and begging from Kinn to see Porsche again. It took 3 weeks of shouting and crying in front of his Parent's Mansion to finally see Porsche again.

At first  Kinn's parents didn't allow Kinn to stay outside the gate..No matter how many times guards dragged him away Kinn would come back in front of the gate to beg to see Porsche ..In the end.. a lot of involvement of Kinn's brothers he is allowed only to talk with Porsche under supervision..  Another two months of begging for forgiveness from Porsche..Kinn was able to convince his love Porsche as he is whole heartily accepts Kinn.

As for Thawan Kinn tortured him before sending him to death. Kinn cannot believe how dumb he was to have a relationship with a two-timer and blindly trust Thawan and torture his innocent beloved.

Porsche found about Kinn's nightmare but every time seeing Kinn's fearful eyes remind Porsche how regretful Kinn is..Even though Porsche forgets the violence he endured by Kinn, it seems Kinn never forgot and he is regretting every day.

Every time he had a nightmare Kinn would say 'Thank God it was just a dream'.  and would pull Porsche into a tight embrace.  Every time he felt how Kinn trembled beneath him, his heart pounded hard against his chest. Sometimes Kinn is crying and asking forgiveness..Porsche has forgiven him a long time ago but Kinn is still unable to get over the past.  Every time Porsche would wrap his arms around Kinn and give him a kiss on the head.

Kinn proved how much he loved Porsche by his actions and Porsche is living his life happily with overprotective KInn.

But till today Kinn didn't tell anyone about how he saw the future..Even though he didn't understand how it happened; he accepts it as God's mercy..And Kinn was happy to receive his lost gift from heaven back in his arms and He wants to treasure his gift forever..

----------------end of flashback---------------

His thought was interrupted when Porsche bit his neck. "Hey!" He shouted. "What are you doing?..Oh..I see..My Kitten is hungry..? Last night is not enough..my Kitty needs more..." said Kinn while licking his lips teasingly making Porsche blush.

"Pervert!" Porsche was able to get himself away from Kinn. He eyed the older man and was glad that he was back to normal. "Take a bath first. Breakfast will be ready after you're done."

"Hmmm.." Kinn obeyed and do what he was told like a good boy.

"Kinn! it's been three years now..Please let the bygones be bygones..I am safe..our child is safe..So..Please don't think about the Past ok.." Porsche said as Kinn nodded.

After half an hour, Kinn went out of the bedroom dressed in his three-piece suit and sat on the dining table. Coffee and his I pad were already placed on top of the table. He was reading while drinking his coffee when Porsche placed a tray of food on the table.

Kinn's stomach growled in anticipation as the smell of the delicious aroma of breakfast hit his nose.

Porsche chuckles when he heard the sound. He sat just beside Kinn and started to eat his share.

A few seconds later Kinn found a paper beside his plate and Kinn stared at his breakfast. Something caught his attention. He looked at Porsche who seems enjoying himself with the food.

Porsche felt the man staring at him; he looked back and gave Kinn his usual smile then went back to his food. Kinn looked back at the Paper opening it and everything makes sense now.

"Porsche."

"Hmm?" Porsche looked at him with his mouth stuffed with food.

"Care to explain?" Kinn pointed at the paper which highlighted positive..

Porsche fishes something out of his pocket and shows the images to Kinn instead of telling him verbally. Porsche went back to eating as Kinn took out the ultrasound image and scanned it.

"Ten weeks? " Kinn asked as Porsche nodded while drinking his milk.

Porsche cleared his mouth before speaking. "I took the test last night and went to the doctor for confirmation this morning." He looked at Kinn who was still staring at him with unreadable expression.

"Happy Anniversary, I guess?" Porsche smiled mischievously.

Some changes in Kinn's expression made Porsche shiver. Those eyes glint with hunger, lust, anticipation and excitement. Porsche was about to run for his ass when strong hands grabbed him and caged him into a breathless embrace.

"Are you happy?" Porsche asked but Kinn didn't reply, instead, he buried his head on Porsche's neck.

Kinn felt Porsche's heart beat faster and the memories of the past flash back to him and he trembled. Porsche noticed it and looked at Kinn. The same fear registered in those dark eyes. The same fear of failing to protect the person you love and destroying it. He doesn't want to experience those again. Now, now that he will have a new addition to his family of his own; he can't help but think about the time he failed.

"Shhss... Don't worry everything will be alright." Porsche brushes Kinn's cheeks trying to soothe the fear away. "You will never harm me....everything will be alright" Kinn closes his eyes and feels those warm hands on his cheeks.

He took a deep breath before opening his eyes. "Yeah, everything will be alright." Kinn scooped him up his arms and walks towards the bedroom.

"Hey! Put me down! You'll be late for work!.. Hey..I have to check on Pheonix" Kinn ignored his protest and continued to the bedroom.

After putting Porsche down on the bed, Kinn took his phone and dialled Big's number. "I won't be working today and send a Nanny to look after Pheonix" He ended the call even before hearing the secretary's reply.

"Where are we again my Porsche?" He loomed over the actor.

"Oh..god..Kinn..You Pervert.."

They spent almost half of the day in bed but Kinn tried to be as gentle as possible not to hurt Porsche or the baby. He came inside Porsche many times as he lost count of it. Kinn looked at his kitten's sleeping figure, so tempting but he needed to hold back. He wrapped his arms around Porsche's waist, resting his hands on his lover's tummy as if protecting it from everything that might hurt it.

"I... I'm stuffed...." Porsche murmured sleepily. "Pervert."

Kinn chuckled. "But you liked it."

"Shut up!" Porsche snorted. "What will you do if my baby drowned in your sperm?"

Kinn chuckled. "That's not going to happen because my sperm will protect the baby."

Porsche laughed, what a humour. "I guess?" They both laugh at their silliness.

"Hey! Later I want to eat chocolate and pineapple with lots and lots of peanut butter." Porsche suddenly has cravings.

"Everything you want My love..You just have to name it.." Kinn replied as Porsche snuggled closer to his chest.